How to Ask Someone On a Date
/It may seem simple but, let's face it, asking someone on a date is no easy task. Nerves alone make the feat difficult, not to mention the fear that every bad thing you already think about yourself might be hurled back in your face. To make it worse, we have grown accustomed to hiding behind our phones to express our tenderest feelings. While the technological barrier might give a momentary comfort, it ultimately can bring more frustration and just as much hurt.
Let's put these depressing ideas aside for a moment (or forever) and focus on how to do it right. Because we are a bit old fashioned, we are asking you to keep your phone in your pocket. We are going to explain how to confidently ask that person who has caught your eye out on a date face to face, in person.
Asking someone on a date can be difficult but worth it.
Put yourself out there
It may seem obvious, but it takes courage to ask someone on a date. Considering the fears and stakes, some of which we already listed above, it requires decisive action and a willingness to face your fears. So, if you are interested in getting to know someone romantically, decide with certainty that you want to ask them. Then, take a deep breath, think over the words in your head, and go for it.
Be clear and honest
It may seem easier to be vague when you ask someone on a date. Perhaps you think going out as friends is better than not going out at all. Or perhaps you don't want to commit to anything romantic until you are more sure. However, that can lead to quite it a bit of frustration on both of your parts. Be clear and honest from the start about your intentions. If you want to just get to know each other better, say so. If you want to go on a date because you are interested romantically, call it a date. That way you both know what to expect and look forward to, with no hurt feelings because of a misunderstanding.
Don’t hide behind your ego
For whatever reason, another way we protect ourselves is behind self-assuredness. This helps no one. If you ask someone on a date with the air of not caring one way or the other, it isn't much of a compliment to the person you are asking. Likewise, if you act as if you are lowering yourself even asking, or as if you assume they will accept, it doesn't inspire anyone to say yes. Humility goes a long way. You should want to date someone because you think they are wonderful, not because you think you are wonderful.
Respect their decision
If you are asking someone on a date, you are giving them a right to accept or decline. And if they do decline, be respectful of their decision. It may be for any reason, and in some cases you can ask the reason, but whatever it is treat it with respect. Don't be overly persistent--after all, no means no.
When you have the right words to say, you will be less nervous asking someone on a date.
Find the words
By now you are probably thinking that these are all good tips, but how do you actually ask? Well, you are in luck. We've provided very specific examples and have broken them down. To begin, the big question:
"Would you like to go on a date with me to the movies this Saturday night, around seven o'clock?"
It sounds so simple! If only. Let's break the question down.
Firstly, ask at the appropriate moment. Don't ask when other people are around, when the other person is otherwise occupied, or at an insensitive time (e.g. after a big break up or after a death in the family). Ask when you are on your own and at your leisure. Then, start with being clear and honest. Use the word date, implying you want to be more than friends. Then be specific. Don't ask to go on a date "sometime" but rather on a certain day at a certain time.
Then, wait for a reply. Don't ramble on or answer for them. Give the other person the chance to speak. If they accept, say something like:
"Great, I will pick you up at seven!"
This is also the time to collect a phone number, address, etc. if you don't already have them. If you don't know each other very well, it could also be wise to meet somewhere in public on your date, rather than at their home.
If your date declines, however nicely or rudely, be polite and don't get defensive. Say something like:
"I appreciate you considering it. If you change your mind, let me know."
It might hurt, but your response will inspire respect from the person you asked and make you feel confident for the next time you ask someone out. And cheer up--you want to be with someone who wants to be with you. This frees you up to find the right person.
In all, no matter the outcome, relax. Treat whoever you fancy with the respect and honesty you want in return. And try to stay positive! Fun and adventure await you.
You May Also Be Interested In . . .
Between the butterflies and the dread, first dates can either be the best or the worst. We’re here to try to make them the best. What you decide to do on a date can greatly influence how that date turns out, so we’ve come up with six ideas that are ideal for all the fast-flying emotions that accompany first dates.